It's my party

OK so I think the worst part of having a birthday is the cake...I know its there.  I'm fucking floundering with the self-control.  I think if I post this then it's like telling on my self and this is all about the secret.  I will not be eating anymore cake.  One piece is enough.  When asked a question about god today I kind of freaked.  I lost my faith at a time when honestly he gave up on me.  It is what it is.  Maybe someday I'll get it back.  At 26 yeats old I have watched my parents slowly torture eachother, my mom fall into depression, I lost my 3 year cousin in a terrible accident, my husband was deployed twice, I develped a deadly problem that I can't seem to fix.  I could go on forever.  Where was god in all this?  So here on my 26th birthday all I can think is that I hope I get my faith back because that means that I got my life back too.